Despite being in the tech industry and understanding the value of user tracking, I don't like intrusive store frequent-buyer programs, and I always politely decline to give my phone number at Toys-R-Us and my email address at Pier One Imports. I'm sorry, but y'all don't need my email address to sell me this $0.79 scented votive candle, and it would take about twenty-five minutes to explain my email address, anyway. But privacy comes at a cost, and with huge membership club discounts at a major grocery store like Safeway, Vons or Winn Dixie, it's usually a pretty significant cost.
I tried to keep up, to register and swipe the various "club cards," but eventually, with enough phone numbers and enough discount programs, it just became too unreasonable to track. At this point I've given up on using my own number, and I'm using famous phone numbers of the past. Most stores caught onto this and took 555-1212 out of their databases a while ago, but I've never failed with Jenny, 867-5309, a number that only a child of the 80s would claim proudly. At Vons, someone very, very cool registered that number under the name "Happy Spaulding," which, as fake names for the good of the collective go, is about as perfect as they come: gender-neutral, fun, and if you're a Caddyshack fan, hilarious. But often (in different area codes at different stores) you'll just be John Smith or Jane Jones.So at checkout I punched in the San Diego area code and Jenny's number and saved $12.50 for the $40 purchase. And the best part of it? A pleasant and completely sincere "Thank you, Mr. Spaulding" from the cashier as she handed me my receipt. TT
